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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in shadowolf1970's LiveJournal:

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Tuesday, August 30th, 2011
6:02 pm
Still alive
I havn't been on here lately, so what have I been missing?

Current Mood: bored
Thursday, July 14th, 2011
6:20 pm
Grass is always greener...
Remember in the Last Starfighter when Alex had to stay and help out while his friends got to run off and have fun? That's how I feel all the time. Because I get jealous when I see all my friends on facebook and here getting to go and do I'm thinking about leaving all these "social networks" behind. Ignorance is bliss after all. Basically if I don't know what's going on I don't have to feel left out. I know I'm being a crybaby. I just get so frustrated at my situation, especially knowing it's of my own doing.

Current Mood: annoyed
Thursday, June 9th, 2011
8:24 pm
something I've been working on.
Which one is better?

Current Mood: blah
Sunday, May 22nd, 2011
9:39 pm
I has 2 jobs
We're only working 4 days a week right now at my job. I'm working on what would be my third day off for somebody else but for more money, plus I get a gas allowance. The main drawback is that I really enjoy three day weekends. Oh and there's the whole getting fired from my real job if anybody from there finds out about it.

Current Mood: busy
Wednesday, May 18th, 2011
6:53 pm
Haven't posted in a while. Not much going on anyway. Just watching the clock till it's time to punch out...
Saturday, April 16th, 2011
5:37 pm
My childhood home.
When you grow up poor in the country you're sheltered from a lot of things. I never knew how poor I was for instance. I had an active imagination and played outside building forts and climbing trees. Of course those were the 70s and life was simple like that. So here's to a simpler time when all I worried about was having to get up in time to catch the bus at 6am. I miss not worrying about things...

cut for bandwidthCollapse )

Current Mood: nostalgic
Monday, April 11th, 2011
10:27 pm
I designed a small house.
If I ever end up alone or come into some money I'll build something like this either to live in or as a get away. Cozy little micro house.

here are some more views under the cut!
looky hereCollapse )

Current Mood: creative
Tuesday, April 5th, 2011
9:26 pm
Just don't care anymore.
I used to be a nice upbeat person. Now I just hate.

Current Mood: bitchy
Sunday, March 27th, 2011
2:27 pm
the dream and my depression of late
A few weeks ago I woke up from a dream crying. I was traveling up a road into the hills. The road started off paved but soon turned to dirt then just a trail where I had to proceed on foot. Up thru the hills I went when I came upon an old woman with milky eyes who told me to find my boy. that's when I woke up. I never knew what gender the kid would have been. I was never given the chance. He or she would be 17 by now. I don't know if it ever bothers my ex because she never talks about it. However it bothers me, every year around this time. So yeah this is the catalyst for my depression. I still believe that women have the right to choose but I would have been better off not knowing what she had done.
Pressure from work, money issues, health worries all added to my funk. Then there was TBRU which was supposed to be a get away from all that but ended up compounding everything. I would have really enjoyed spending more time with my friends, but I just stayed up in my room. Lots of fun doing that. At least my Husbears had a good time. If I go next year it'll be as a vendor. Maybe we'll get lucky and get put next to the Bear Films booth. Heh.
So my funk has lifted somewhat but there are still things causing me pain,guilt,worry. It seems I'm not meant to be happy or rich but I am Loved, which is the only thing keeping me going.

Current Mood: melancholy
Sunday, March 20th, 2011
8:56 pm
tbru or why i can't stop crying.
The last several days were an absolute hell, and I don't know why. I saw my friends and got to hang out a little but I was still miserable. Cried myself to sleep last night. Night before last I slept in a chair, because the beds were too small. Tried to drink some but that didn't help and the hospitality suite was too crowded. I feel like I wasted my money and my time. I really think I'm heading off the deep end...

Current Mood: discontent
Tuesday, March 15th, 2011
7:09 am
Now for something completely different
I had an idea. With all these remakes of '80s cartoons about I thought it'd be cool to see the Centurions redone. Better Tech, better animation(cg) and better stories. So here in order are "Ace", "Tank" and "Siren" the Strato, Geo and Hydro specialists.

Current Mood: geeky
Monday, March 7th, 2011
7:07 pm
Responce to a letter...
...from my Uncle to my Dad. It came in time for his birthday. He told my Dad that he would never come out to his house again because no one admonished my grown nephew about his cousing. It disturbed his christian sensabilitys you see. Here's my responce....

..."Clyde Russell

I was privilaged to read the lovely letter you wrote to my Dad. I would like to thank you so much for being there in his time of need. You truely are what I expect out of a modern christian, which is to say a complete ass. Yes Jason has a potty mouth but he has done more for my parents than you have in all the time I've known you. Hell he dosn't even live there anymore. Oh and were you even aware that he has Tourettes Syndrome, and when he's under stress like he was that day he can't always controll what he says? No you didn't did you. Because all you and you're brothers(except Tommy, God rest his soul) have always treated him like a bastard son of a whore. So he's a bastard big deal.
Jason however isn't the reason I'm writting this. My Dad is. My Father who has been thru more hell in his life than any eternity can bring, has to endure even more from his own brother! You have no idea how angry I have been over this. Not only does my Dad NOT need this kind of crap he also dosn't deserve it. You should be ashamed of yourself. The only thing my Dad has left is his faith, and it's real faith, not the "what have you done for me lately crap" that you believe. You are no more a christian than am I. At least I have the balls to admit it.
So you keep living with your head up your pastor's ass and living your life that you owe partially to my Dad. Enjoy being able to walk outside in the sunshine on your own two legs. Enjoy holding your grandchildren and teaching them about life. Remember while doing that that your big brother has never been able to do ANY of that for 30 plus years. Rejoyce in how blessed you are while My Dad whithers away in his bed. I am So SOO sorry that a few bad words upset you so! You poor little christian.


Robert Paul Ford"

I had to write a responce because I've been seething about it since yesterday. I havn't sent it yet, but I will as soon as I have his address. Am I doing the right thing?

Current Mood: pissed off
Sunday, March 6th, 2011
10:17 pm
It's all a pointless...

Current Mood: disappointed
Friday, March 4th, 2011
2:23 pm
No time for delusions.
We are ultimately the sum of our experiances. Genetics and environment have some part in our make up but it's experience that governs us the most. There is no destiny, no guiding force just the choices we make and thier consequences. There is NO magic. We are responsible for ourselves and our actions. Grow up.

Current Mood: existing
Wednesday, February 16th, 2011
7:45 am
Some works in progress...

Current Mood: bored
Friday, February 11th, 2011
4:17 pm
Unless this is a SAW film....
...Somebody get this vice off my head!

Current Mood: disoriantated
Thursday, February 10th, 2011
2:28 pm
Looks like I have the flu.
Wednesday, February 9th, 2011
8:13 pm
Can you say "Night of the Lepas"?
While searching for cell shaded views of VW Rabbits that i intend to use in an art piece I came across this pic.

What were they feeding that thing?

Current Mood: Gobsmacked
Thursday, January 27th, 2011
7:30 am
Green Shirt thursday!
It really is a green shirt I swear! It was kinda dark when Jason took it.

Current Mood: better
Tuesday, January 25th, 2011
7:19 am
Long time no post..
..and the reason is that i have had very little to say. I've just been a moody mess since my birthday. I don't know what i want to do with my life, the world seems to be going to shit and evil is winning. So what's there to be happy about?

Current Mood: cynical
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